Just this month my husband and I have been spending time adjusting to the fact that one of our little girls is about to end nursery to enter into Primary school education. She will go in August and within a few days she will turn 5.
As any one who has been, or is a parent will know this is a first of many adjustments and we will face milestone after milestone but as this is our first school change we are nervous wrecks.
Last week we went along to nursery to collect her with our smallest daughter. She was emotional when we arrived which seemed out of character considering she bounced out of nursery the day before. As I lifted her and snuggled her into my arms, with her little tears flowing down her face and her heart clearly chipped I said ‘You know I love you but I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what it is?’
She sobbed some more lying like a baby in my arms, when she took a big breath and replied ‘Mammy, Robin *sob* doesn’t want to be my boyfriend no mores’. My heart went out to her.
Just 24 hours before hand she approached her dad and I as a teenager and informed us that she and Robin were boyfriend and Girlfriend now, and on this afternoon the teenager persona was all gone as she snuggled into me crying.
My little girl had got caught up in a friendship she didn’t understand and had ran a few years, if not a decade ahead of herself and then she crashed down to reality. Within days we were holding her hand as she hopped, skipped and jumped into primary school and I remember thinking oh how times change. Just two days ago she was heart broken and today her heart is excited over a new venture, a new day, and a new idea. This was thrilling for me but on the same hand this has also been a reminder to me of how my tomorrows will look.
Soon enough my girls won’t need me as much, soon enough I will have to cut apron ties, and watch as they date, make real friendships, and decide on universities, jobs, husbands, Jesus and I will have to take back seat in some of these and allow her to flourish. For the petals of her life to open and the life that God has decided for her will come into play.
I’m going to be honest, while I love my girls and want the best for them these days are closer than I would like. If only we could stop time and snuggle them forever. If only my biggest worry would be a grazed knee that a hug and kiss is magical enough to fix instead of a heart that is scarred, that no amount of kisses and hugs can repair. If only I could wrap them up in cotton wool, take on their consequences, and help them learn life’s biggest lessons. If only!
But then I wonder who would they be? My girls are very like me in that they are stubborn and feisty, but they also have an ounce of love, a spoonful of fierce, and a cup of funny with a pinch of drama thrown in for good measure. In order for them to be them I have no choice but honour and trust God to be sovereign in their lives. I cannot trust Him in something’s and not all because that is not a relationship. My girls may be mine but they were gifted by God and as much as I want the best for them that I can give, I am so very aware that my best would never come close to the best that God would provide them.
When I was praying about them last week on the long drive home from Primary school I remembered as though ordered by God the words of Bobbie Houston at Colour Conference 2014 ‘God waits for you in your tomorrow’. He waits for me, and not only me but also my girls. I trust today that tomorrow morning my God will be waiting on my eyes opening to start the day, taking my hand and allowing his footprints to be so deep that I cannot mistake them. I know he is waiting on my girls, I know he has prepared a beautiful life for them to run into. I know he has plans for my family and I know he is good, and His rule in our lives in firm.
So as I enter my daughters last week at nursery with my own personal fears, and anxieties, and insecurities about tomorrow I can stand on the promise found in the word of God:
‘It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.’ (Deuteronomy 31:8)